Is neighbour noise ruining your life?
Does the sound of your neighbours send your nervous system into meltdown? You might feel intensely anxious and angry when you hear the noise - for example, footsteps, kids, dogs barking, washing machines, loud talking, or DIY/renovations. The feelings you experience might also include "anticipatory" anxiety - so you react even before you hear the sound. This is extremely common. Your nervous system always feels hijacked even if your home is silent...because you are waiting to hear it, you expect to hear it, and your mind is telling you how awful the noise will be when you do hear it.
Your neighbours may be perfectly nice people, just getting on with their lives without any knowledge of what you are going through. Many buildings don't have robust sound insulation. Many people live in flats or apartments, with neighbours to the side, above and below. Our lifestyles can often collide : one occupant works nights whilst below there's a parent with pre-school children who make a lot of noise. Or you might be unfortunate enough to have new neighbours carrying out loud and extensive renovation works, whilst you have to work from home. For some, they have already spoken to their neighbours and it may have gone well - they agreed to be more aware and make an effort. However, people do forget and get caught up once again in their own lives.
So, what can be done? Many of my clients think they have tried everything - earphones, playing music, distracting themselves or just going out if it gets too much. There's a pervasive feeling that control has been lost, and the only alternative is to move house. To a quieter place, to the middle of nowhere, or to a huge house with no next door neighbours! This is not realistic for most people though. Are you one of those people who simply cannot do anything more to help this situation? Have you tried everything to no avail?
It's important that you understand you're not intolerant or unreasonable, or over-sensitive. You aren't doing this on purpose. Maybe you have had bad experiences with neighbours before, or perhaps sound sensitivity has been a long-term problem for you. It is NOT a choice. What is happening? Put very simply, it's your nervous system trying to protect you. It enters the "fight or flight" state to help you deal with a perceived threat. This ancient system was excellent for helping you stay alive in past times but is not always appropriate in modern polite society! Fight or flight does not feel nice - it isn't supposed to. It's designed to override logic and get you out of danger quickly. Your body's response is then heightened by your inner dialogue - "this is horrendous, I cannot concentrate, my neighbours are selfish, I can't cope" etc. This thinking pattern adds another layer of distress into your nervous system.
In my practice, I gently help my clients to separate their body's response from their thoughts so there is less identification with the emotion. That little bit of distance matters - so for example, instead of "I can't cope", you might choose "there's the noise, it feels hard at the moment". Or instead of "my neighbours are selfish and inconsiderate", you might choose "they are probably not aware of the impact this is having on me". Your words matter. I also help my clients to calm their nervous systems more directly with gentle hypnotic techniques which are designed to make sense to the subconscious mind. There is a huge benefit in learning tools and techniques that can help you return to a more calm state of mind very quickly. I often explore my clients' past experiences too, in order to help them find the "root" of the problem. Sometimes past trauma can be relevant, even if it wasn't anything to do with noise. In my practice, I use safe, gentle techniques to heal old pain, leaving clients free to make new choices. Trauma patterns can repeat themselves throughout our lives, often without us being fully aware of what is going on.
Don't lose hope. If neighbour noise is ruining your life, and you think you have tried everything, trust me - you haven't! Don't hesitate to contact me to book a call. My consultations are free, and you can book yours by clicking on this link Work with me/contact
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